Whether you're in the DEP, operational, or a milspouse, you know this is a big deal. Joining any branch of service is a life-changing event. Once you're in, you can't get out just because your spouse doesn't want you to be in anymore. There's a lot more to it than that. But, if you're lucky enough to marry someone who is in the Military, whether it's your branch or not, they'll understand what you're going through. They understand the need you feel to serve your country, and they definitely understand Service before Self. It's hard, but with the right people, you can make it work.
When you initially make the decision to speak with a recruiter, you're probably already pretty set on joining. It was that way with me, I researched everything I could for a few weeks before I spoke with mine, and I talked to my husband about it. He said he was fine with it, so a few days later I called my recruiter and we got it started. Over the course of my enlistment process, he's gone back and forth on whether he's for it or not. Please remember in this post, I'm not trying to make my husband out to be a bad person. Every person is entitled to their opinions, he just doesn't want to leave his family and everything behind. Don't get me wrong, my husband loves his country, and is very thankful to all those serving. I mean, his sister and his brother-in-law are currently serving! He's had other family members in various branches, so he knows. He wanted to join the Marines for the longest time. I was always a selfish person, and didn't want him to. Granted, he wanted to do something along the lines of Infantry, and surely you all can understand why I felt that way. A wife worries about her husband constantly, and the fact that he was wanting to do something so...dangerous...at a point where we were right in the middle of this current war, was terrifying to me. But, around the end of last year/beginning of this year, a friend changed my mind. I have a former co-worker who is in the National Guard, and he was deployed to Afghanistan for a year not long ago. I think he returned home about a year ago. Well, we spoke for a while on this, and he went so in depth on everything, and really made me understand what it's like. You'd think that would scare me more, but actually knowing what's going on, made it better. So I told him I'd be okay with it. I asked if he wanted me to look into everything for him, and possibly contact a recruiter. He said sure! So I got it going for him, and even went to speak with the recruiter myself (since it's the Marines, and we know that they're known for being smack dab in the middle of a combat zone). We set up a time for my husband to go speak with him alone, and was done. Oh, I should mention my husband knew about that beforehand, haha!
Well, when the day came for him to go talk to him, he flipped out. He decided that I was trying to push him into it, and he didn't want to. I said okay, that's fine. I was kinda pushing him into it, because I thought it was something he really wanted to do, but I was wrong, I guess. So I let it go. That was probably mid-January. Well, I realized several months later, I really wasn't going anywhere with my life, at least career-wise, so I started looking into Cosmetology School, and other different jobs. Well, when I was doing a job search through Monster, I think, I noticed the National Guard had actually listed jobs! I though it was cute! But it got me thinking.....my SIL is in the AF, and we're almost the same person. She's stubborn, independent, and a go-getter. I figured if she could survive basic training, then so could I. That wasn't meant to be derogatory in any way, haha! So I talked to her about it first, then started doing my own research...and now, here we are. I officially swore into the DEP 1 month ago today. The things it took to get here were ridiculous, and I can't imagine backing out now. I want this so badly, I want to make a difference. I want to serve my country. This is my calling in life, as cheesy as that sounds. I never felt so...right about something.
So where we are with is, is here: I'm in the Air Force (minus the important stuff like BMT, Tech School, you know =] ). My husband doesn't want to move, and isn't going to move. Therefore, we're stuck. Unless I choose to switch to Reserves, then I'll have to move. I don't want to be RES, it's great for those who do, though! I just feel my calling is to be AD. I don't know where to go from here. He doesn't want to leave his family, which is definitely understandable, but when we got married, we agreed to be each other's number 2 (God First). In a Christian marriage, you enter into it as one flesh. You agree to leave your father, brother, sister, mother, cousin, aunt, uncle all of them behind. Well, not behind, just farther down your list of priorities. As a non-married person, you probably put your parents before your boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's fine. But, when you get married, your spouse is your everything. You are supposed to support them in all they do, no matter what. I've always supported his every decision, even before we were married. I know I'm asking a lot, but I just feel he should have given it more thought before deciding against it. So, it looks as if it's coming to an end, and I hate it. It makes me sick.
I love him more than life itself, but what do I do? Do I deny this calling I have, or stay in my small town, resenting the fact I didn't get to do what I was meant to do?
You have to be a very strong, united front, to be able to survive a military marriage. With the imminent chances of deployment (not just to Iraq or Afghanistan, but anywhere), the strenuous work, the strict rules and regulations, and the hard core values of the Air Force (primarily, Service Before Self), it's a very hard thing to cope with as a civilian. You can't really understand the need or the want to do it all.
My advice is this: be 100% sure that this is what you want. Getting to the point of swearing in, then the arrival at BMT, you have to want this more than anything. Yes, anything. My recruiter has always said this. You have to want it more than your spouse, your parents, school, work, all of it. You can't go into BMT not being 100%, or you're destined to fail. Before talking with a recruiter, you should be at least 75% sure this is what you want. After, you should be 100%, or just don't go on with the process. You won't make it. And if you're married, you have to make sure your spouse is at the same level as you, in regards to going through with it. If they're not, you'll be where I am: a crossroad. It's definitely not a fun place, and it's hard to choose. You have to do what is best for you, and follow through. You won't always have the opportunity to join, with the cuts all the branches are making, and the constant chance of getting injured, aging, etc. You have to act now. It's kinda like having kids; you're not getting any younger.
If you have any questions, suggestions, advice, anything, feel free to post. This is a very sensitive subject, and it always requires full attention. Don't go into marriage, the military, or anything half-heartedly. They're all serious commitments, and breaking that commitment has huge repercussions. Not just on you, but everyone around you. Thanks for reading!
"Sometimes bad things happen in life to open up your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." ---- I saw this on my friends FB status just now, so I thought I'd add this in =]
I love u babe. I know that I was a prick at first, but that was my pride talking. I know that this is what u wanna do and I support u in every way possible. It will be hard bit we can do this.
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